By Roger Vincent

Morris Dancing and Rotweillers

A well-known wit once said that you should try everything in life at least once, except incest and Morris dancing. Maybe that short list should have included refereeing and could go part way to explaining an otherwise inexplicable taunt from a Brakes' fan: "the referee's a Morris-dancer".

This was a strangely, passion-less game, even the crowd (502) was quiet. In truth this was a gentle stroll in the sun. I noticed that Malvern had been the warmest place in Britain the day before; some of that had carried over to the NWG and players were actually taking drinks during stoppages. The pitch was dry and bumpy as the quagmire of recent weeks had dried to solid, clay peaks around boot marks. Consequently there was little good football with both teams humping long balls up the middle.

Brakes went ahead with 2 goals in quick succession just before half-time, Baz Shearsby after a Glen Webb free-kick and Josh Blake, both headers, both largely opportunist. Momentarily it looked like a cricket score was in the offing to go with the weather.

But whilst Malvern never remotely looked like getting past another solid, Brakes' defensive display a second-half effort from Glen Webb was the only other time Brakes came close. The good-natured repartee between the North Bank and their goalie lightened an otherwise dour game.

The comedian, Paul Merton, once said that when you can't think of anything funny to say in an unscripted show you insult somebody and it always gets a laugh. Maybe that's why the North Bank tried to wind up Malvern's feisty, diminutive no. 5 to break the deadlock. "I've passed larger ..... than you" and as the Bank's rotweiller strained at his leash: "watch it mate, he thinks you're a bone". It has to be said that the rotweiller showed a greater appetite for the ball than most of our players and once headed the ball quite brilliantly back into play from the goal-line.

And that was it, really. After the game their no. 5, a nice chap, totally unfazed by the insults, enthused on what it was like to play in front of a crowd. "It's great, it raises your game - it'll be a miracle if you go the whole season unbeaten because everybody wants to be the team that does it." But maybe a Morris side would have created more passion than we saw today.

Leamington Paul O'Keeffe; Jon Burgess (Martin Beeston 62m); Barry Shearsby; Will Payne; Stuart Hepburn (captain); Adam Ball; Guy Rippon (Darren Timms 66m); Simon Wickson; Josh Blake (Brian Agar 70m); Glen Webb; Steve Thompson